Woody Allen - aphorisms, quotes, sayings. Quotes and aphorisms by Woody Allen Aphorisms, quotes, sayings, phrases - Allen Woody

Woody Allen, (b. 1935), American film director, actor, screenwriter.

You can live to be a hundred years old if you give up everything for which you want to live a hundred years.

If we lived forever, can you imagine how much our meat and vegetable bills would be?

When I saw that this guy had crushed my wing, I told him to be fruitful and multiply. But only in other words.

If you want God to laugh, tell him your plans.

The fact that we got divorced was also my fault: I tried to put my wife on a pedestal.

We were wondering what to do: go to the Bahamas or get a divorce. But in the end they decided that the Bahamas was only a pleasure for two weeks, but a good divorce lasts a lifetime.

Sex is the funniest thing I could do without laughing.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there.

Humanity stands at the crossroads between mortal despair and complete extinction. Lord, grant us the wisdom to make the right choice!

She believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because of tiny people inside the receiver.

There are things worse than death that happen in life. Have you ever spent an evening in the company of an insurance agent?

Humor may not be the answer to all of life's problems, but it serves as something of a band-aid.

If only God would give me some clear sign! For example, he opened a large account in my name in a Swiss bank.

Not only is there no God, but try calling a plumber on your day off.

For you I am an atheist, but for God I am a constructive opposition.

The only way to be happy is to love suffering.

When my parents finally realized that I had been kidnapped, they did not hesitate for a minute and immediately rented out my room.

This is a gorgeous gold watch on a chain. I'm proud of them. My grandfather sold them to me when he was on his deathbed.

I'm old-fashioned. I believe that people should marry for life, like doves and Catholics.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, which prohibits marrying a non-Jewish woman, shaving on Saturday night, and especially shaving a non-Jewish woman on Saturday night.

My wife doesn't want to grow up. I take a bath, and she sinks my boats.

For some time we were deciding what to do: go to the Bahamas or get a divorce. And they decided that the Bahamas is a pleasure for only two weeks, and divorce is an eternal value.

The most amazing thing about love at first sight is that it happens to people who have seen each other for years.

Anyone who has been happy in love has no idea about it.

Women always pity us for wounds that they did not inflict.

A bachelor lives like a king and dies like a dog; A married man lives like a dog, but dies like a king.

Everyone thinks God is on their side, and the rich and powerful know it.

Holiness is also a temptation.

Broker: The person who moves your stock from hand to hand until it's gone.

In Los Angeles, trash is no longer thrown away. It is being reworked into television shows.

If my film made at least one person more unhappy, then my work was not in vain. (About the film "Manhattan".)

There is a lot of feminine in me. As a child, I cut out paper dolls and profiles of Deanna Durbin. And Mia [Farrow] drives a tractor on her farm and knows how to fix a TV.

I wasn't accepted into the chess team because of my weight.

I am considered an intellectual because I wear glasses and an artist because my films do not make money. Both are wrong.

Comedians always sit at the children's table.

When I saw that this guy had crushed my wing, I told him: “Be fruitful and multiply.” But only in other words.

Sometimes I think about suicide. But I’m so unlucky that this would probably only be a temporary solution.

I'm a practicing heterosexual myself, but being bisexual doubles your chances of hooking up on a Saturday night.

The brain is my second favorite organ.

There is a big difference between love and sex: sex removes the feeling of awkwardness, love creates it.

The reason I'm such a good lover is because I practice a lot on myself.

Sex between a man and a woman is amazing, provided you find yourself between the right man and the right woman.

Science has conquered many diseases, solved the genetic code and even allowed people to land on the moon, but when an eighteen-year-old man stays in the same room with two eighteen-year-old barmaids, nothing happens. Because the real problems are the same from century to century.

Wealth is better than poverty - but only for financial reasons.

Tomorrow, Woody Allen's new film "Roman Adventure" will be released in Russia. Anticipating the funny metaphors and ironic outpourings that will fill the next European film journey of the convinced New Yorker, we decided to recall the best quotes from the legendary films of the director with a bias towards the 70s, when the world saw the release of the masterpiece in content and innovative from a cinematographic point of view, "Annie Hall", " Love and Death" and "Manhattan". It was during that period that the obsession with anti-Semitism and xenophobia, the philosophy of death, intersexual relations and Freudianism reached its apogee in the work of the prolific director, and the parody stage began to transform into something more and almost serious. It's no secret that Woody Allen often plays the role of not only a director, but also a screenwriter and actor. In the latter case, possessing an amazing sense of humor, he attracts all the attention of the audience, even if his co-star is a world-famous celebrity. It is Woody Allen who owns such insightful sayings that have become aphorisms, such as, for example, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans,” or “the only way to become happy is to love suffering.” Based on the scripts for 44 films, speeches at press conferences, as well as numerous interviews, it is possible to compile a multi-volume collection, which could probably only be rivaled by the jokes of the unique Faina Ranevskaya.

"Within 15 minutes I wanted to marry her, and after half an hour I gave up the idea of ​​stealing her wallet."
"Grab the money and run", 1968

– What are you doing on Saturday evening?
- Committing suicide
– What about Friday?

“I’ll bring all kinds of girls there, you won’t believe your eyes: swingers, freaks, nymphomaniacs, dentists.”
"Play It Again Sam", 1972

"Is sex dirty? - If only you do it right."
"Everything you wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask", 1972

“Death should not be seen as the end, but rather as a very effective way to cut costs.”
"Love and Death", 1975

"They make mistakes at Harvard too. Kissinger taught there."

"California is so clean because they don't throw trash in the street, they make a TV show out of it."

Elvy Singer:
– You look like a very happy couple.
Pair:
- Yes it is.
Elvy Singer:
– How do you do this?
Young woman:
- Well, I’m empty, I don’t have any ideas and there’s nothing to talk to me about.
Man:
“And I’m absolutely the same.”

"I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural achievement is the ability to turn right on red."
"Annie Hall", 1977

“My psychoanalyst warned me, but you are so beautiful that I think I’ll hire another psychoanalyst.”
"Manhattan", 1979

"You can't control life. Only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert."

"For you, I am an atheist. For God, I am a loyal opposition."
"Star Memories", 1980

"I had a wonderful evening. It felt like the Nuremberg trials..."
"Hannah and Her Sisters", 1986

"Art doesn't imitate life, bad television does."
"Husbands and Wives", 1992

“I heard screams. I finished my buns, finished my coffee and immediately rushed over!”
"Sensation", 2006

"Maria Helena said that only unsatisfied love can be romantic."
"Vicky Cristina Barcelona", 2008

Prepared by: Tamara Vasilyeva

Yes, he even starred in a few scenes. But then Bruce had to act in a play on Broadway and it was too much for him. I had to contact Steve. He plays an acting agent. I know such people very well. He started his career at the age of 16-17, and some of the characters are still visible to this day.

- Nowadays, a lot has changed in filmmaking technologies. How do you feel about these changes?

No way. I don’t have and never had a computer, email, I don’t use the Internet. My wife, of course, knows how to do all this. I use my mobile phone, but very limitedly. I call it, my assistant uploads jazz compositions that I listen to on walks or while traveling. I used to carry a record player and lots of vinyl records with me everywhere. I need to practice playing the clarinet and I do it with recordings.

- Do you still read a lot?

I was never a “nerd” and read mostly comics until I was about 18. But then I really started reading. In order to survive, you need to read. So I don't read for pleasure. I would always be very happy to watch a game of basketball or baseball, listen to music or watch a movie.

- And the newspapers?

- I leaf through the New York Times in the car out of habit. And then I somehow, I don’t know how, switch to the tabloids that my driver buys. But I never read about myself, only about others. Neither their interviews, nor critics' reviews of their films. Never. This is out of the question. I scrupulously defend and observe my right not to know anything about what they think, write about me, and the like. What a fool and an ass I am, or how great I am. No, I long ago learned to enjoy the process of making films.

Do you know how great it is to wake up in the morning and re-read your own script over a cup of coffee, then meet with the production designer and cameraman, come to the set and communicate all day with the most wonderful, charming people. With beautiful women and charming men. Dress them up in amazing suits and dresses, play amazing music... When it’s all over, I assure myself that I’ve made my best film and move on. I'm sitting down to write a new script. And I never return to the film I shot. Never.

- Many years ago you were accused of all sorts of sins. First of all, that you married your adopted daughter (Woody Allen lived with actress Mia Farrow for 9 years and adopted several children with her. But Soon-Shi was adopted by Mia while married to her second husband, and Allen never officially appeared to her father. He always assured that Soon-Shi, of her own free will, as an adult girl, confessed her love to him and asked him to stay with him. A huge scandal broke out, and Mia Farrow did not allow Allen to communicate with the children anymore, including their common child Rohan. He is constantly trying to throw mud at his father and just recently, literally on the eve of the festival, he gave another interview calling for a boycott of films and admitting Allen's guilt. At the same time, Mia and Rohan started a rumor that she gave birth to him not from Allen, but from her first husband Frank Sinatra, - Ed.). How did you manage to develop immunity to this?

Yes, I was immune. You see, I successfully went through all this and no one managed to destroy me. I am a very disciplined person, a maniac who puts everything in life on the shelf. This saves me and helps me make films.

- And you didn’t get it then, in the 90spsychologicalinjuryfrom this scandal?

No, not in the slightest.

- I suspect that you have not met Mia Farrow since then...

No. I don't think she lives in New York. I think it's in Connecticut. Or traveling around the world as a representative for UNICEF or something like that.

- Has your marriage to Sun-Shi changed you in any way?

Oh, this marriage is one of the most beautiful things that has happened in my life. Soon-Shi had an incredibly difficult childhood in Korea. An orphan, she lived on the streets, abandoned by everyone, needed by no one. I starved and ate what I found in trash cans. A 6-year-old child on the street is hungry! Then she was picked up and sent to a shelter. And I believe that as my wife she was able to get rid of these terrible memories. I gave her enormous opportunities and privileges. And she very willingly and brightly used them to learn a lot, make friends and children. Got a college degree. Travels with me around the world. She is very smart and has been everywhere a person interested in culture should go. She became a completely different person. Absolutely. New personality. And I must say that I contributed to the emergence of this new personality. And this contribution is a hundred times more valuable to me than all my films combined.

- Did Sun-Shi change you or not?

She gave me a lot of pleasure. I love her. My wife let me know that there is a wonderful family home life. We have been married for 20 years. And before marriage they were together for some time. She is an amazing companion and a very good, impeccable wife. She gave me stability and confidence in myself and in the future. When you meet the right person, the one who is right for you, it is natural that he will have a very strong emotional impact on your life. This is exactly what happened to Song-Shi and me. As for whether she changed me... I don’t know. I'm not sure I've changed. I'm probably the same person I was. I don't know how to answer this question correctly. I seem to have the same habits, phobias, pleasures. When you ask, I am sincerely trying to understand if I have changed. But I do not know…

- I wonder, do you have dreams?

No, I usually sleep like the dead. But sometimes I have nightmares. Then I start screaming in my sleep and my wife shakes me until I calm down.

- Do you still watch a lot of films?

There aren't many films that interest me lately. When I first walked into my own little movie theater 30 years ago, a screening room for several people, it was amazing. And I spent a lot of time there every Saturday with friends. But now this happens extremely rarely. There was a time when there were so many good movies coming out every week that I barely had time to watch half of them. Then, in the 60s, there was, in my opinion, a period when directors who imagined themselves to be the main characters in cinema made a lot of terrible films. And then this business realized that by releasing blockbusters, you can make a lot more money. But these same blockbusters have never been interesting to me.

- How would you live your day if you knew it was your last?

As usual. I would like it to be a pleasant day, without disappointments, with a delicious dinner. I would watch baseball on TV and basketball, and go to bed, wishing my family good night.

Woody Allen (Heywood Allen) - born December 1, 1935, in New York, USA. American film director, actor-comedian, producer, three-time Oscar winner. Filmmaker - “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask,” “Stardust Memories,” “Hannah and Her Sisters,” “The Great Aphrodite,” “Deconstructing Harry,” “Midnight in Paris,” “Small Scammers”, “Purple Rose of Cairo”, etc.

Aphorisms, quotes, sayings, phrases - Allen Woody.

• The brain is my second favorite organ.
• The desire for death is also a passion.
• For you I am an atheist, but for God I am a constructive opposition.
• Fasting is a big mistake. Especially on an empty stomach.
• Happiness is the talent of appreciating what you have rather than what you don't have.
• The only way to be happy is to love suffering.
• Love between a woman and a woman is my favorite option.
• The reason I'm such a good lover is because I practice a lot on myself.
• Sex is the funniest thing I could do without laughing.
• Don't neglect masturbation, for it is sex with the one you love.
• Wealth is better than poverty - but only for financial reasons.
• It's not that I'm afraid to die - I just don't want to be present.
• If people had more of a sense of humor, we would live in a completely different world.
• My wife is like a little child. I take a bath, and she sinks my boats.
• I am a convinced pessimist. I still divide people into vile and pathetic.
• Eternal Nothing is not a bad thing, you just need to have time to dress accordingly.
• In Los Angeles, people don't throw away trash anymore. It's being reworked into a TV show.
• The only thing I regret in life is that I was not born someone else.
• What if the world is an illusion and there is nothing? I definitely overpaid for the carpet then.
• The last time I penetrated a woman was when I went on a tour of the Statue of Liberty.
• You can live to be a hundred years old if you give up everything for which you want to live a hundred years.
• There are worse things than dog bickering: it's when one dog won't answer the other's calls.
• Sex is something like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, it's better to have a good hand.
• I believe in the all-seeing eye that watches over us from above. Unfortunately, this is the government.
• Old age is not a sign of maturity, but the ability not to get confused when waking up in your underwear in the middle of the street.
• There is a big difference between love and sex: sex removes the feeling of awkwardness, love creates it.
• A person cannot objectively experience his own death and still continue to whistle.
• The main thing is not to get excited, otherwise you will blow your brains out, and then you will read in the newspaper that you have found the meaning of life.
• When I was sent to a multi-religious summer camp, I was severely beaten by children of all races and religions.
• I'm a practicing heterosexual myself, but being bisexual doubles your chances of hooking up on a Saturday night.
• This is a gorgeous gold watch on a chain. I'm proud of them. My grandfather sold them to me when he was on his deathbed.
• When my parents finally realized that I had been kidnapped, they did not hesitate for a minute and immediately rented out my room.
• When I saw that this guy had crushed my wing, I told him to be fruitful and multiply. But only in other words.
• People are divided into good and bad. The good ones sleep better, but the bad ones seem to enjoy their sleepless hours more.
• Sex between a man and a woman is amazing, provided you find yourself between the right man and the right woman.
• The universe is just an idea in the mind of God - a very unpleasant thought, especially if you have just made a down payment on a house bought in installments.
• We were wondering what to do: go to the Bahamas or get a divorce. But, in the end, they decided that the Bahamas was only a pleasure for two weeks, and a good divorce lasts a lifetime.
  

Woody Allen(English Woody Allen; birth name Allen Stewart Konigsberg, born December 1, 1935, New York) - American film director, actor-comedian, producer, four-time award winner "Oscar". He is also known as a writer, the author of numerous stories and plays. Woody Allen is known as an expert on literature, cinema, music, and a jazz clarinetist. Master of auteur cinema.

Allen has earned public recognition for his witty comedies containing elements of the absurd and satire, as well as psychological dramas created not without the influence of the work of Ingmar Bergman. At the intersection of these two genres, Allen is believed to have created a new genre - "intellectual comedy". In addition, the sheer volume of work he has done in cinema and the high speed of film production command the respect of his colleagues.

Allen, as a rule, is not only the director and screenwriter of his films, but also stars in them. Among the favorite themes of his films and numerous jokes are psychoanalysis and psychoanalysts, sex and his own Jewish roots. A special place in his work is occupied by the city of New York, where the director lived all his life and which he glorified in his best films. (“New York trilogy” - “Annie Hall”, “Interiors”, “Manhattan”, etc.).

Woody Allen has been repeatedly recognized as one of the greatest and most influential film directors of our time.

I don't know who they think I am. A strange specimen, perhaps.

Actors only work with me if they are on a break between more tempting projects. If I call an actor and Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese calls him around the same time, he won't even think about coming to me. But if he just finished the picture, got his ten million dollars and has absolutely nothing to do until August, and I called in June, why not agree?

If I got a tattoo, it would be “Mom.”

The only difference between tragedy and comedy is that in comedy people find a way to cope with tragedy. Of course, humor may not be the answer to all of life's problems, but it serves as something of a band-aid. This is certainly better than walking around broken all the time.

You know, I can only really play two roles - I'm a very limited actor. I can play either an intellectual or a scumbag.

When I started making films, it seemed to me that a lot of pleasant things awaited me: fame, money, flattery, delight... But after the first few films you realize that your life has remained the same. You understand that all your problems remain with you.

Carelessness, carelessness - all this is not typical for me. I am still a convinced pessimist. I still divide people into vile and pathetic.

I often dream about taking a whole year off. But I always begin to be tormented by remorse, because there are people around who want to give me money for the next film, and as a result I come to the conclusion that while they give, I must take it.

To play in comedies, you must have some special ability from birth. Comedians have always been good at playing dramatic roles, but take the best dramatic actors like Marlon Brando and you'll see that comedy doesn't come easy to them.

I love my profession, but if it were taken away from me, I would gladly do something else. I would work in the theater or sit at home and write. Or maybe he would just mess around, and also with pleasure. I would get up in the morning, take a walk, go to a museum or a movie, then return to my place, talk with my wife, watch baseball on TV. Not too bad, right?

I almost never get invited to act in other people's films. Strange! It seems that now that I’m older, people should talk like this: “Who is our oldest comedian? Walter Matthau is dead. Therefore, Woody Allen!

I like the position of the authors of Dogma. She is truly Spartan. I think their principles themselves are good, but, as is usually the case, everything depends on the personal talent of the director who declares them. If he made a good film, great. But if a movie is bad, it's no better than any other bad movie.

In my opinion, there are no directors in modern cinema who work under my influence. Everywhere I see young people who are influenced by Francis Ford Coppola, very much by Scorsese and Oliver Stone. But I? No, I don’t know anyone like that.

I am a convinced pessimist. I still divide people into vile and pathetic.

When my parents finally realized that I had been kidnapped, they did not hesitate for a minute and immediately rented out my room.

This is a gorgeous gold watch on a chain. I'm proud of them. My grandfather sold them to me when he was on his deathbed.

I'm old-fashioned. I believe that people should marry for life, like doves and Catholics.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, which prohibits marrying a non-Jewish woman, shaving on Saturday night, and especially shaving a non-Jewish woman on Saturday night.

My wife doesn't want to grow up. I take a bath, and she sinks my boats.

For some time we were deciding what to do: go to the Bahamas or get a divorce. And they decided that the Bahamas is a pleasure for only two weeks, and divorce is an eternal value.

The most amazing thing about love at first sight is that it happens to people who have seen each other for years.

Anyone who has been happy in love has no idea about it.

Women always pity us for wounds that they did not inflict.

A bachelor lives like a king and dies like a dog; A married man lives like a dog, but dies like a king.

Everyone thinks God is on their side, and the rich and powerful know it.

Holiness is also a temptation.

Broker: The person who moves your stock from hand to hand until it's gone.

In Los Angeles, trash is no longer thrown away. It is being reworked into television shows.

If my film made at least one person more unhappy, then my work was not in vain. (About the film "Manhattan".)

There is a lot of feminine in me. As a child, I cut out paper dolls and profiles of Deanna Durbin. And Mia [Farrow] drives a tractor on her farm and knows how to fix a TV.

I wasn't accepted into the chess team because of my weight.

I am considered an intellectual because I wear glasses and an artist because my films do not make money. Both are wrong.

Comedians always sit at the children's table.

When I saw that this guy had crushed my wing, I told him: “Be fruitful and multiply.” But only in other words.

Sometimes I think about suicide. But I’m so unlucky that this would probably only be a temporary solution.

I'm a practicing heterosexual myself, but being bisexual doubles your chances of hooking up on a Saturday night.

The brain is my second favorite organ.

There is a big difference between love and sex: sex removes the feeling of awkwardness, love creates it.

The reason I'm such a good lover is because I practice a lot on myself.

Sex between a man and a woman is amazing, provided you find yourself between the right man and the right woman.

Science has conquered many diseases, solved the genetic code and even allowed people to land on the moon, but when an eighteen-year-old man stays in the same room with two eighteen-year-old barmaids, nothing happens. Because the real problems are the same from century to century.

Wealth is better than poverty - but only for financial reasons.